Tuesday, July 31, 2012
- Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Okay, so HELLO. GREETINGSZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Wakaka, Im like HALFWAY done for prelim2, yippeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Happygirl95. Okay, cannot be so happy. My science papers are up tomorrow&thurz. Math paper1 on Fri. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, KILL MEYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Today, 31st July is my bestfriend, FIQ's SEVENTEENTH birthday. Sent him a super long text! I was the only one that wished him on the dot, IM SPECIAL OK. Cheh, NOT. Cos i'm not the first to wish. Well, screw it lah! Heh, I hope he'll enjoy his day. And be happy&blessed as always.
Okay, the reason why i'm blogging is because..........I need to let out what I've been keeping. And this is MY blog, so I have all the rights to say what I wish to say. YAY. Okay. HEHEHE.
Most of the people I know, are like attached. As in, they found their soulmate. And i'm like wondering when will my turn come. HAHA. Okay, prolly not now lah. I cannot balance boyfriend&studies actually. I suck at time management. Plus, my family needs me. Ceh, boyfriends=commitments&yadayada. And, I don't think I can pull out the best out of me anymore. Its like, I don't know how to love. Okay, more like...I've lost interest to love anymore. I gave up completely. I know I always say this. I SAID THIS GAZILLION times, when I was much younger. But this time I mean it. I really gave up/lost interest. None of the cute/nerdy/whatnot GUYS attracts me. I feeel like.........they're just another kid that people chase. Yup, thats all. No more trying hard to please/appease/whatnot the guy or trying hard to get him to talk to me/get his number. NO MORE. WHY? Because, I stopped having a thing(love, you call it?) for guys. I've been hurt by broken promises/false hopes. I'm sick and tired of crying/getting my heart broken. I am sad to see my loved ones getting hurt by their loved ones everytime. I see myself in them. Defending their loved ones and going the extra mile, even letting down their pride and showing to the world how WEAK they are. I get hurt by seeing them stooping so low just to please their loved ones. BUT I can't do anything. At that point, I know that they would do ANYTHING it takes so that their loved ones wont leave them. Sad isn't it. That's life.
They guy would chase you and do whatever it takes to get you. And when the relationship is on the rocks, you would do anything for the guy to keep him.
Well, that's how it usually goes right. Sadly, I used to be them. I see myself as a stupid/desp/crazy girl. I believe he's in safe hands now. I don't have to wish for the best for them, cos i'm not adele. Haha. But I know they're happy. Probably happier without me. Hahaha. Review&&Feedback from my ex's: Most of them find it hard to cope with my temperamental(changing all the time) attitude. HAHA. And I used to get sad over the stupidest things. For example.
Me : 'I want choc'
Him: 'No'
And because of that I wont talk to him, HAHAHAHA. Silly isn't it. Yups. That's how I USED TO BE. HAHA!
Okay, Its getting late, I think I shall head to bed now.
GOODNIGHT.
XOXO.
P.s. I feel this post is kinda stupid. Especially when you're typing past 12AM. Okay bye:B
Sunday, July 15, 2012
- Sunday, July 15, 2012
Been super busy with life till I can't recall the last time I had some me-time.
PRELIM2 IS IN LIKE ONE WEEK TIME. OMG. KILL ME NOW PLEASE. IM REALLY NOT PREAPRED YET. LE SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Okay, so..........today I suddenly feel like blogging.
Because I feeeeeeeeel.......horrible/terrible/miserable/whatnot lah.
Where to start. I don't know.
So lets just say I used to contact someone. And then.....................(Maybe) I showed him the REAL side of me(The temperemental/angry/crazy/annoying/irritating/whatnot) and............AS MUCH AS I GUESSED. He can't cope with me, the real me. And so he left. YES. He left.
Honeslty, I am not sure of what I feel at this point of time. Melancholy? MAYBE. Downcast? MAYBE. Okay I think I'm not feeling SAD. I just feel hurt. After knowing him for 7 months. I expect him to know me well, even though we're just bestfriends. Yes, I know you people are going to think that he's my boyfriend/someone special or whatnot. But no. We're just BESTFRIENDS. Or should I say...Used-to-be-bestfriends. I expected this to happen. No matter how much someone try to assure me that they won't LEAVE, they would eventually with.
I got used to all the pain/hurt of people leaving. Now I feel numb and, actually I dont feel anything. Most probably because I try to keep myself busy by doing homeworks/studying for tests/revising my work/entertaining my little bro.
I can't lie to myself too. Every second that ticks, my thoughts automatically channel to you. Sometimes, the feeling of guilt hit me. Like...Am i really at fault. Is it wrong just to be ME. Who i'm comfortable with. Well, its OBVIOUS that you are not sincere being friends with me. WELL, why should I care. I DON'T CARE ACTUALLY. Okay, thats a lie. IF I DON'T CARE. WHY THE F AM I BLOGGING ABOUT IT.
I DONT KNOW LAH. I'm confused myself. Like what my teacher said, 'Nadiah is very complicated, you can never try to understand her.' Yes, that is TRUE. I am very fickle minded. And quite temperamental, but I just don't show it. I prefer keeping all my thoughts and feeling to myself. I rather blog/talk to myself about it than go around telling people because........I would end up crying/being angry/ get angry with the person. SO YAH.
I have yet to find someone who REALLY understand me. Hahaha, well, my bestfriend is an exception lah, of course. MOST, yes let me repeat. MOST of my ex-boyfriends left me because of my attitude. Hahaha, when I was sec 1-2, my ex's left me because of the same old reason, because I was childish. I would be sulky over EVERY little thing. And, now I learn from my mistakes lah of course. And when I was abit older(maybe sec 3-4), my ex left me cos............idk why also lah. Maybe cos I was much of a cry baby. No longer sulky and sucking up to my ex's but...........crying over little things. OHMYGOODNESS, when i reflect.......I AM REALLY THAT DUMB EH.
Hahahah. So yeah, I used to have an exboyfriend who will act silly with me in PUBLIC. And he's not shy to admit that i'm his girlfriend. But sadly, things didn't work out for us. I'll treasure the memories. Just the memories. Well, its not wrong right. Hahaha! Okay dah, i'm not going to make myself feel much worse by typing about the past. There's a reason why my ex remains in the past, not the future. I believe Allah swt has his plans for me. :).
As much as I know, fairytales don't exist and..................................yeah. There is so such thing as a prince charming or what not. Wahahah:).
So there's school tomorrow and i'm heading to bed already. GOODNIGHTXOXO.
