Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. Its been a while since I last blogged.
Been super busy with life till I can't recall the last time I had some me-time.
PRELIM2 IS IN LIKE ONE WEEK TIME. OMG. KILL ME NOW PLEASE. IM REALLY NOT PREAPRED YET. LE SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay, so..........today I suddenly feel like blogging.
Because I feeeeeeeeel.......horrible/terrible/miserable/whatnot lah.

Where to start. I don't know.

So lets just say I used to contact someone. And then.....................(Maybe) I showed him the REAL side of me(The temperemental/angry/crazy/annoying/irritating/whatnot) and............AS MUCH AS I GUESSED. He can't cope with me, the real me. And so he left. YES. He left.

Honeslty, I am not sure of what I feel at this point of time. Melancholy? MAYBE. Downcast? MAYBE. Okay I think I'm not feeling SAD. I just feel hurt. After knowing him for 7 months. I expect him to know me well, even though we're just bestfriends. Yes, I know you people are going to think that he's my boyfriend/someone special or whatnot. But no. We're just BESTFRIENDS. Or should I say...Used-to-be-bestfriends. I expected this to happen. No matter how much someone try to assure me that they won't LEAVE, they would eventually with.

I got used to all the pain/hurt of people leaving. Now I feel numb and, actually I dont feel anything. Most probably because I try to keep myself busy by doing homeworks/studying for tests/revising my work/entertaining my little bro.

I can't lie to myself too. Every second that ticks, my thoughts automatically channel to you. Sometimes, the feeling of guilt hit me. Like...Am i really at fault. Is it wrong just to be ME. Who i'm comfortable with. Well, its OBVIOUS that you are not sincere being friends with me. WELL, why should I care. I DON'T CARE ACTUALLY. Okay, thats a lie. IF I DON'T CARE. WHY THE F AM I BLOGGING ABOUT IT.

I DONT KNOW LAH. I'm confused myself. Like what my teacher said, 'Nadiah is very complicated, you can never try to understand her.' Yes, that is TRUE. I am very fickle minded. And quite temperamental, but I just don't show it. I prefer keeping all my thoughts and feeling to myself. I rather blog/talk to myself about it than go around telling people because........I would end up crying/being angry/ get angry with the person. SO YAH.

I have yet to find someone who REALLY understand me. Hahaha, well, my bestfriend is an exception lah, of course. MOST, yes let me repeat. MOST of my ex-boyfriends left me because of my attitude. Hahaha, when I was sec 1-2, my ex's left me because of the same old reason, because I was childish. I would be sulky over EVERY little thing. And, now I learn from my mistakes lah of course. And when I was abit older(maybe sec 3-4), my ex left me cos............idk why also lah. Maybe cos I was much of a cry baby. No longer sulky and sucking up to my ex's but...........crying over little things. OHMYGOODNESS, when i reflect.......I AM REALLY THAT DUMB EH.

Hahahah. So yeah, I used to have an exboyfriend who will act silly with me in PUBLIC. And he's not shy to admit that i'm his girlfriend. But sadly, things didn't work out for us. I'll treasure the memories. Just the memories. Well, its not wrong right. Hahaha! Okay dah, i'm not going to make myself feel much worse by typing about the past. There's a reason why my ex remains in the past, not the future. I believe Allah swt has his plans for me. :).

As much as I know, fairytales don't exist and..................................yeah. There is so such thing as a prince charming or what not. Wahahah:).


So there's school tomorrow and i'm heading to bed already. GOODNIGHTXOXO.