♥;

Friday, November 30, 2012

- Friday, November 30, 2012

Greetings world!

Yay, finally blogging again. Well, I wanted to blog yesterday but then.......I don't feel like it the moment I logged on to blogger.com. I had no idea why, I swear.

Anyways, so many things are happening in my life now. And to be honest, I don't know how to react. I feel like EVERYTHING, yes EVERYTHING is happening to quick and fast paced.

Where do I begin? Okay, Lets start with Zoo& Prom Night.

So basically on the 26thNovember, I had both a Zoo outing in the morning and Prom night in the evening. TIRING? YES, OF COURSE LAH KAN. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay so anyway, zoo was amazing except for the last part when it rained. We had to walk in the rain and all I could think of at that point of time is MY HAIR and MY PHONE. I cannot afford to get my hair wet because..........I HAVE NOT MUCH TIME TO DRY IT BEFORE PROM. And my phone............I hide it like inside 3 or 4 plastic bags and stuff it inside a zip-lock bag. HAHAHA, protection mah! AND GUESS WHAT ME&SIS BOUGHT FROM THE ZOO SOUVENIR SHOP? WE BOUGHT RIPPLES SLIPPER. FROM THE ZOO. HAHAHA. We had no choice because our shoes are like.........hopeless. So we managed to get out of the zoo at around 3+. Reached home at around 4 and rush to get ready for prom. Lucky me, I managed to get ready in time. YAY ME. Met my friends and make our way to RESORT WORLD SENTOSA for prom! Prom was amazing! AWESOME! Hahaha, actually the only reason I went for prom was for the food & to meet my classmates. I'm so glad I met them there! I MISS ALL OF MY CLASSMATES ALD.

Have to admit, I didn't like the class from the start. But nowwwwww, we're like somehow united and I LOVE EVERYONE OF MY CLASSMATES. I LOVE 5C'12 ;'(.

______________________________________________________________________________

(YOU MAY SKIP THIS SECTION IF YOU WANT)

Next...............I don't know if I should blog about this lah.

BUT I JUST FEELSO SHITTY THESE DAYS. IT'S LIKE I WANT TO SCREAM AT EVERYONE THAT PISSES ME OFF. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. I CAN'T FIGURE MYSELF OUT. AND THEN I FEEL SO...................................SAD FOR NO FUCKING REASON EVERYTIME. HAIS. I HAVE TO JUST...............SMILE AND STAY STRONG. YES V V V EASY TO SAY. BUT IT IS DAMN HARD TO DO LAH. I CAN ALWAYS FAKE MY SADNESS AND ALL BUT...............................................................I CAN'T LIKE TO MYSELF. AHHHHHHHHHHHH, DAMN IT LAH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TYPING. I KNOW I DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE. JUST...........SCREW THIS SHIT LAH.

I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.

I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH CLOWNS, CATS AND EVERYTHING THAT COULD MAKE ME SMILE, MAKE ME HAPPY. BECAUSE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS ARE GIVING ME NOTHING BUT HEARTACHES/ HEARTBREAKS/ PAIN/ WHATNOT. I WISH I WAS IMMUNE TO ALL THIS PAIN. I WISH. I REALLY WISH. BECAUSE IT BLOODY HURTS TO BE HURT EVERY SINGLE DAY. IT'S LIKE......EVERYONE DOESN'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT. YOU GET IT. I FEEL THAT WAY.

PEOPLE ARE FREAKING LEAVING MY LIFE EVERYDAY. I DON'T KNOW WHY. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME. TELL ME. DON'T IGNORE ME. I HATE TO BE IGNORED. ITS LIKE IWANTTOPUNCHYOURFACESOBAD. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

OKAY I'M DONE.

BYEXX.

Labels: RAMBLINGS.

Friday, November 23, 2012

- Friday, November 23, 2012

HI ALLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Current mood : Super depressed like idk how to explain.

Today was a DISASTER. Probably one of the worse days of my life. AND, I've never been this upset ever in my entire life(Okay, maybe i'm exaggerating or what not). BUT, I AM SAD. SUPER SAD. MELANCHOLIC you would say? Downcast. That's more like it.

Haven't ate anything since I come back. That explains how downcast I felt like. I felt sick, horrible and stupid. I SUCK, I just SUCK. I can't seem to make things right. I just can't hide my feelings anymore. I am more TEMPERAMENTAL and ANGRY. I DON'T KNOW WHY AND THIS GOT TO STOP BEFORE IT GETS WORSE.

Hais. Been staring at walls, keeping quiet and sitting alone by myself since I came back. I feel super horrible. And no, I'm not gonna like blog about what happened. I'm trying to like forget it. BUT, I don't know why the incident keeps on replaying on my head like a spoiled tape.

I burst into tears the moment I stepped into my room. I feel awful.

And I still feel awful.

OH YES, I have to thank ajul anyway for coming down to meet me for 5 minutes and trying to cheer me up when I was about to cry. I swear it was nice of him to travel from TP to my place just to cheer me up! And I have to thank AL too! For listening to my ramblings and entertaining my sillyness. Kekeke. I'm sorry I stressed you with my problems erriday! I'm sorry but I just have to! HAHAHA. Not to forget Ian&Ayul who listened to my stories and try their best to make me snap out of the sadness.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM GETTING MYSELF SO UPSET OVER A PATHETIC REASON.

I HAVE TO SNAP OUT OF IT.

Okay bye world, I should be heading to bed now. Goodnight sweethearts

Labels: Mistakes are inevitable so yeah:/

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

- Wednesday, November 21, 2012

SUP :B

So its 21st November today. Boy, time passes by really past ey:). It feels like I just entered school yesterday and now I've graduated from my sec school.

Honestly, I'm afraid of the results. The post-secondary life and all. I have plans to go into the courses tt interests me and all. But i'm afraid with my results, I can't get into those courses. I'm just scared. I don't want to think about my results now because...it'll like upset me for the rest of the hols. Geeeez. I am currently breathing and letting time pass by. Because, I don't know what to do w my life already.

Okay, HELLO READERS. I just got to know that (insertname) reads my blog everyday. WOW, that's really nice of you. Hahaha, but honestly, I think my blog is kinda boring and yeap. That's about it.

NEXT WEEK IS PROM NIGHT, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? My school's FIRST ever prom night. I don't know what to expect? FUN? BORING? I don't know. All I know is i'm going to prom night because they're gonn serve the 4-course-dinnz. AND I AM EXCITED FOR NUTS. Yes, that's the only reason why i'm going prom. Hhahah, such a fatt catt. WAHAHAHAAHAHHA:D.

Love? WHAT IS LOVE? 2 years of being not-in-love makes me forget what the feeling feels like? Its NOT a joke. I really forgot how it feels like being in love. OR maybe its because in MOST of my relationships, i feel ALONE, rather than TOGETHER. Sometimes I feel stupid. Its like...I KNOW WHAT S GOING TO HAPPEN&I CAN EXPECT WHAT'S COMING MY WAY BUT I STILL FALL IN LOVE AND GET HURT AND YADAYADA THE BLOODY CYCLE REPEATS EVERY SINGLE TIME.

OH GOD, IT'S 21st NOVEMBER. TOMORROW IS 22nd NOVEMBER. AYAH&MOM'S ANNIVERSARY. NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, FOUR YEARS EDI. I can't thank Allah swt enough for blessing me with such a caring&loving family. (Even tho sometimes I get pissed, I STILL LOVE ERRIONE OF THEM WITH AL MY HEART). HAHAHA, SHO TIUT NOT? Ceh ceh ceh.

Okay, SO I AM GOING TO LIE DOWN NOW. AND I HOPE I CAN WAKE UP TO JOG AND REMOVE ALL THE UNWANTED FATS FROM MY LIFE. HAHAHAHA. OKAY BYE. MUAMUAXX.

Labels: STILL IN LOVE WITH HUNTER HAYES

- Wednesday, November 21, 2012

OH BABY, YOU'RE SO PERFECT. XX. MUAH.

Labels: LOVE LOVE LOVE

- Wednesday, November 21, 2012

HUNTER HAYES IS SO AMAZING. HE'S HANDSOME, GORGEOUS AND HE HAS AN AMAZING VOICE. I AM IN LOVE!

FUTURE BOYFRIEND, YOU BETTER MEMORISE THIS SONG AND SING IT TO ME. HAHAHAHA.

HELLO READERS.

OH HELLO AND HI THERE. HAHAH!

There's so many amazing things that happened today. I don't know where to start! Hhahaha! Hmm. Okay lets start with the boring 'what-did-i-do-at-home-today'.

So what did I do at home today?
I............................helped mum to pack for the zoo outing(which is on my freaking PROM day), cleaned up the mess in the kitchen(mess=hari raya cookies&overdued snacks), washed my clothes, dry my clothes, cook rice, assist mom in cooking blackpepperchicken today, ate icecream w the fam, tweet/IG/whatsapp and now....BLOG! HAHAHA.

SO NOW, THE 'INTERESTING PART'

PART ONE.

I, was like going through my timeline and I saw someone retweeting someone else's tweet. Then i'm like 'eh, why this guy so familiar?'. So, I decided to like go to his profile and guess what. THIS 'SOMEBODY ELSE' is my EXBOYFRIEND. Gosh, I was so (idk what to say *please insert some feelings*) excited I think, so I went to follow him on twitter, and he followed me back. So, he said I look familiar, then I DM-ed him and tell him that I WAS HIS EX GIRLFRIEND. HAHAHAAHA. Funny right. HHAHAHA(Okay lah, to me it was funny). And now we're like catching up on each other's lives and reminiscing the past stories&mistakes. Hahah! Oh goodness,and i'm like bugging him to update his blog. But he said he's busy. Oh wells.

PART TWO.

I was like tweeting about HUNTER HAYES(THE HOTSTUFF WITH THE HOT VOICE) and then.....TWIN MENTIONED ME. Gosh, It's been so long since I last had a proper conversation with him. The recent conversation was just a birthday wish from me! Hahah! So, me&twin talked at whatsapp and then he had to REMIND me of the PAST. Which I shall not say because its too embarrassing nak mampos! HAHAHA, Twin's attached and he's much happier now and i'm glad he is! Haha! :D. LAST FOREVER TWIN! HEHEH^^.

PART THREE.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE WEEKENDS! Our family is gonn have a photoshoot on sunday! At Barrage/Labrador park. HAHAHA. THENNNNNNNNNN, On monday we're going to the zoo and later at night, i'm gonn be attending my school's first ever PROM NIGHT. WOOPWOOPWOOP. SO EXCITED TO MEET MY BABIES AFTER BEING SEPARATED FOR SO LONG :'(. CEHHHH.

Okay, I guess that's about it. HAHAHAHA. I better head to bed nao. It's getting late edi! HAHAHAAH;D. Well, actually whats newwwwwwwwwwwww. I've been sleeping late almost erriday. HAHAHA:D.

andthenIhavetocallsomebodyoncei'mawakehaisijusthopemyvoiceisn'ttoosexaybecauseIbarubanguntidur. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. LOL. OKAY GOODNIGHT BABIES. MUAXX.

Labels: HUNTER HAYES, I'M IN LOVE.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

- Saturday, November 17, 2012

Oh my goodness.

I feel HORRIBLE. TERRIBLE. I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Literally.

Okay where do I start.
I don't know.

All I know is that I'm really messed up.

I'm mad, angry. At myself.

It's freaking going to be like 2 damn years. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAVE A PERFECT LIFE. Damn it. Okay, maybe perfect life doesn't exist.

I am feeling so mean. I'm probably the meanest person I've ever met. Irony isn't it. Hais.

I'm just feeling so lonely. I am not saying lonely as in 'forever alone' with no friends. Well, I have my family, friends and my bestfriends. But why why why WHY DO I FREAKING FEEL LIKE A LOSER EVERYTIME. WHY DO I STILL FEEL LONELY WHEN I HAVE MY LOVED ONES. Why do I freaking have to cry everytime I think about my sad pathetic past. WHY. WHY DOES ALL THIS SHIT HAPPENS TO ME. My Goodness.

Everytime when I feel like i'm in love. I would tend to give up halfway. WHY. Why am I so damn afraid. Maybe it wasn't love. Maybe it was a fling. WHY IS EVERYONE NOT LIKE YOU. WHY CAN'T I LAUGH WITHOUT FAKING IT. WHY CAN'T I SMILE AND LAUGH AND SHOW THAT I'M REALLY REALLY DAMN HAPPY.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE AWAY MY DAMN HAPPINESS AWAY FROM ME. Why.

I AM SO MESSED UP, I SWEAR.

I'm really mean. I should've just....take it slow. And BREATHE more(I suppose). A couple of months back. I was like 'dating' ( I don't think it was dating. But some sort like that lah) someone. BUT I turned him down(after we started to get close). I broke his heart, really bad. Damn. I feel damn bad. But. I can't go on. I don't know why. I just don't feel the connection. The static electric feel. I just don't feel it. I DON'T KNOW WHY. But I can't lie to him telling him that I love him. Damn. To make him leave me, I did all sort of things. I made him hate me by being mean, doing things like he didn't like(vulgarities and all). I wanted him to hate me so bad, so he could forget me and leave me. Of course I feel bad. I feel like a loser, a jerk.

But now he's in save hands. He's in love with a new girl. Boy, I can't explain how happy I am to hear that. It's great to hear that someone is taking over my place and making him happy and showing him the right path. Ex-date, I am really happy for you. You've got my prayers for you! Hees.

And now. BACK TO THE TOPIC. I am really mad at myself because I ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE 'his' VALUES IN SOME OTHER GUYS(when I clearly know that all guys are not the same). BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I'm sorry.

Maybe that's the reason why I never fall in love.

Maybe it's just me.

I'm just not good enough for anyonex

I'm just......not strong enough to step out of my zone and be happy without feeling sad and worrying about nuts anymore.

I just need to get myself together. In one piece(which I thought I've done).

Gosh, and i've been constantly rejecting meetups. Why? I'm scared. I don't want to lose anymore people in my life. I am afraid too. Of all the criticisms and all. Plus, I'm scared scared(it's scared scared because i already used the word 'scared').

I have a bad experience of meeting people. Like you know. Sometimes I get too hyped up and, some people may not like it(they'll find it annoying). And most of the time, after meetups...PEOPLE WOULD TEND TO NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE. So that's why. Byebye meetups. I love all my friends. So I rather remain friends in the cyberworld rather than cut ties with them:(.

So I'm heading to bed. Lotsa luv.

With love&a v messed up mind,
NADIAH😭😭.

Labels: WHY MUST ALL THIS HAPPEN TO ME.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

- Wednesday, November 14, 2012

HI EBERIBODY.

Oh my goodness, thanks to people who still read my blog. I AM UTTERMOST TOUCHED AND YES. I DIDN'T KNOW PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ MY BLOG. HAHAHAHAH:D. But really, idk what to say but THANKS REALLY. I LOVE YOU PEOPLE. Teehee xD.

wow, just WOW. this is amazing. THANKS PEOPLE. WEEHOO.

APART FROM THAT...

O LEVELS ARE OVER YAY :D. I remember, last week, during this timing, I was actually studying for my chembio mcq paper. HEHEHE^^. And now i'm like blogging using my lappy. OH YES YES YES YES. I forgot to tell y'all that dad returned me my lappy. I WAS LIKE THE HAPPIEST GIRL ON EARTH I SWEAR. TEEHEES.

I've been spending my holidays to catch up on sleep, entertaining&spending time with my family and cleaning my room. YES CLEANING MY ROOM. Now I can finally see my study desk like OH YEAH. Last week, books were piling at my table and I can't see no shit. HAHA^^.

I was going through FB and boy I was shocked.
MY EX BOYFRIEND IS ENGAGED. GOSH, I AM SO HAPPY FOR HIM. HAHAHA, FINALLY A DECENT GIRL FOR YOU :). I REALLY HOPE YOU'LL LAST TILL MARRIAGE AND HAVE CUTE KIDS(LIKE ME, CEH KIDDING). WAKAKAKAKA.

So many people getting engaged/married/in relationships/in love. AND I AM LIKE STILL ALONE. PSHT. Hahaha, actually there's no big deal about being alone. Apart from the fact that there won't be any love/affection. Maybe the right one hasn't come yet. Well, I'll just wait and see what the future has instore for me.

Today's post is gonna be brief. OKAY BYE.

P.S. I LOVE MY GIRLZZZZZZZZZZ. MUAMUA~~~.

Monday, November 5, 2012

- Monday, November 05, 2012

Oh hello and hi there. xD.

Ooooo I'm blogging for two days straight nao. Haha. Weeeehooo. Currently otw to laupasat for dinner. Oh yeaaaaaaaaah man!! Whoop whoop.

I just want to say that .... I love my dad so much and he's the most amazing gift Allah swt send to me. Even tho at times, he annoy the shit out of me. He's the best dad I could ask fr. Really proud of him&& I hope Allah will bless him always.

Okaaaaaaaaaay.

Anyway, today's been amazing. Been studying for sci(biochem) mcq. Revising shits and yeah. It's Monday my goodness. :/. Haha! 3 more days to the last paper. Oh yea! Can't wait for all this shits to end. Prolly after the paper, I would hibernate and sleep and sleep and sleep and don't touch my books already. Hahaha! Wooooop.

Sometimes I think, I'm really selfish. Okay, maybe not selfish but idk lah.

I tend to expect and hope for things. How do I explain eh. Hm, imagine receiving an award and the one closest to you and the one whom you expect to be saying things like 'I'm so proud of you.' or even a simple word of 'CONGRATS' but guess what.....NO. That person never even said it to me. Instead that person just continue to spoil my mood, doing things that annoy the shit out of me and what do I do? I just held it in and keep it inside. Sometimes I cry a little due to the 'bottled up' feelings. Man, who can I share it to? I share most of my problems with my mom because honestly, she understands every bit of shit that's happening to me as she says that 'you're a complete resemblance of me, dea. Exactly what I was in the past' HAHAHA! Coincidental mch huh, mom. Lol!

I used to share things with my so called friends. Why do I call them my so-called-friends? Simple. They expect me to be there for them no matter what and when I expect them to be there for me.......THEY ARE NOT EVEN THERE. Or they would act like they listen/change topic. Familiar? Hm, it's been happening to me most of the time. WHY? I don't know. Sometimes the girl who's been there for everyone needs someone to be there for her. I tried my luck once, telling a friend about my problems and guess what. He just replied me with an 'okay, you'll be fine' AND THEN HE STARTS TO TELL ME ABOUT HIS PROBLEMS. And I'll be like... Man, can I hit you w a rock?!?!?!?! BEEEEEEEEEEYAJ.

So, therefore, I conclude that....my mother is the best because she's been there for me throughout my ups and downs. I LOVE YOU MOM, for that. Even tho she's not my real mum, I still love her like my own. Haha! What can I say, I'm just blessed. Allah's put the best people in my life. He loves me. Hehe!

Okay, so yeah. Im'ma go have dinner now. Byebye:P

- Monday, November 05, 2012

Hello wello jello mello.

Hi babies. Gosh, I miss blogging so much! Since my laptop's being confiscated by ma dad, I shall use the iPhone to blog, again! Hahaha. Yay for iPhone! Okay. Where should I start?

Hmm, okay. Exams are finally coming to an end! HOORAAAAYNESS. For now, i'm preparing for the last paper on the 8th. Yipeeeeyehyeh! Gosh I can't wait for O levels to end man. Haha! I need to like hibernate after months of sleep deprivation(I wonder if thats even a word). Psh okay.

Both of my aunties are getting married! Super happy for them! Haha! Weeee:D

Okay actually the reason that I'm blogging is cause...I want to freaking release my anger(unleash the bad side of me, I think). Wakakakakaka~~.

1) I NEED SPACE TO FREAKING BREATHE.
And how can I do that when you are like texting me 24/7 ++ asking me to freaking reply your text every once in 3-5 minutes. YOU THINK I GOT NOTHING TO DO OTHER THAN REPLYING YOUR DAMN TEXT?!?!?! So please understand. I need space for myself and I can't be entertaining you 24/7. Okay, maybe because I'm so used to loneliness already and when people gets too clingy, I get abit irritated and annoyed. I'm sorry, maybe it's just me. Nevertheless, DONT BUG ME IF I DON'T REPLY YOU. I have my reasons and honestly, you don't have to know.

2) DON'T ANNOY THE F OUT OF ME PLEASE.
Oh yes, talking about that. I FREAKING HATE GUYS WHO MAKE THEMSELVES SOUND DESPERATE FOR A GIRL. REALLY. It does not make you score points. It just make yourself look immature and yeah. That's about it. It's okay to like do it once in a while but not all the time please. Maybe you don't understand what I meant by desperate. So here's an example.
Boy : would you be my gf?
Girl : no.
Boy : please be my gf..I would die w/O you.
Girl : leave me alone.
** and the boy continues to text her every minute ** ( don't you know how fucking annoying is that ).

And then later......
Boy : I'm sick, I think I'm going to die. The only way for me to heal is if you are going to be my gf.

WTF RIGHT WTF. YOU THINK IT'S A MIRACLE++YOU CAN FORSEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. WHO ARE YOU? ALUCE FROM TWILIGHT?

Honestly, I like sweet funny guys. BUT NOT DESPERATE ONES OF COURSE. Total major turn off.

Anyway, what really turns me off is when a guy asks you out and then........he asks you to pay for everything.
OR
A GUY ASKS YOU IF YOU CAN LEND HIM SOME MONEY BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO GO OUT W HIS FRIENS AND HE HAS NO MONEY.

Oh, man. I really can't figure out guysss.

I swear.

They're like some kind of wierd species.

Okay better head to bed. NIGHTS❤